i’m cool for this summer

I have been away from my computer since I’ve been home from LeaderShape. Basically working every day and watching the hell outta Supernatural on Netflix; I am almost through season twelve and I’m very upset with some of the unnecessary deaths this show has put forward.

When I woke up, the normal good morning message wasn’t on my phone, so I thought I’d send my own.

good morning! I hope you have a great day!

sorry. can’t talk right now. in lab at the moment.

I flipped my phone over and rolled off of my side of what was once our bed. He told me to keep it for when he’d visit, but my bed had been only slept in by me for almost a month now. Our apartment was set up with nearly two of everything. I stood at one of the two sinks in our bathroom and looked myself over in the wall-length mirror. I gently pulled on the skin under my eyes and let my face snap back in place. Nevertheless, I got ready for my day and the classes I had. Even after my shower, there was nothing. I could almost curse Owen.

Before I start feeling needy and helpless, I support Owen and his education, but I feel like he and I are separating and drifting apart. I could show up at any time, but I don’t want to ever piss him off. He knew that if he’d do it, he might end up barbecued or maybe in space. We’re six months into this new joint life of ours, but he technically doesn’t even live in the same apartment as me. He’s learning for his career. It’s not like there’s nothing that I can do. I was literally and figuratively powerful. I could do what I wanted.

My neighbor eyed me I locked the front door. I didn’t know his name and he didn’t know mine, but he just stared at me.

“Can I help you?” I asked him, slipping my keys into my bag.

“I was just wondering what happened to the other guy who lived here.”

“He’s at school in a different city.”

This guy fell against his door and kept his eyes on me. His eyes were unsettling.

“If you ever wanna hang out with someone for the night, you know where to find me.”

He pushed his earbuds in and walked out of the hall before me. When I saw he was gone, I slowly ran a hand against his door and heard a series of clicks from the door handle. I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the apartment complex. I typed out a quick message to Owen.

i just destroyed some guy’s door because he asked to spend the night with me.

can i ask how…?

i touched it. he pissed me off.

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it looks kind of not good

so, if you didn’t pick up on it, i’m still going. have fun reading.

Imagine this: a college student in his last semester, sitting at a desk that’s actually organized and the books are neatly stacked on their ends and the notebooks are in a wire box, but the student isn’t doing homework for once in his life. No, he’s staring at the computer screen waiting for him to sign in online. He refreshed the video chat service until he thought he saw the green dot show up. That’s my life.

Another night of the week, another few hours that I waited to see him for just a few minutes. Long distance was killing me. I refreshed my friends list again, once and twice more and finally saw what I was looking for. Next to the screenname, WildeThing, an online notification had popped up and I clicked the call button before he went away again.

“Hey, glad to catch you!” I said with a laugh.

He smiled and checked his phone’s time. He looked flustered and exhausted.

“Unfortunately, I can’t stay too long. I’ve got an early morning meeting tomorrow with my advisor tomorrow. How was your day? How did the exam go?”

“It went fine, I guess. Thanks for your help last week. How were classes?”

“They were great. I learned so much more than I thought I could. It’s weird to actually learn things.”

I cocked my head and smiled again. “It’s nice to see you again. We need to this more.”

“I know, I know. Our schedules don’t match up very well anymore, but did they ever?”

“Yeah, but it was a hell of a lot easier when we went to the same school.”

He took a deep breath. “I know, but that’s what happens. That’s why we have video chatting and cell phones? If we hung up right now, I’d be texting you before we went to sleep. And you have a car! Come see me.”

“Last time I came to see you, you mostly did homework the entire time I was there.”

“I’m free this weekend. Completely free. I’ll even pay for gas.”

“Do you promise? You and I are gonna spend time together with no classwork between us?”

“I promise,” he checked his phone again, “I’ve gotta go to bed.”

“Okay. I’ll call or text you tomorrow?”

“Both. I love you.”

“Love you.”

The video screen went blank and I shut my computer down and climbed into bed. I held my phone in front of my face and typed a message to him, but there was no reply before I closed my eyes.

so, before you ask, i’ve already written the next like, piece to this and that’s where you’ll see when this is set up. and if you check the folders, you’ll know who the characters are.

the end. or is it? i dunno.

Alright, so I’ve finished the main part of this. So, it’s like, I’m not writing up to Ezra’s dreams.

Owen and I lost touch with Mason and Gavin when they decided to move out on their own. Owen and I consolidated our items and we moved from our bedroom to a two, even if we shared a room half of the time, but it ended up being more than that; the second room became on office for homework and ideas.

Owen took some time to understand my life, just like my parents had, but after a few weeks, he’d settled down like we were living the plot of Bewitched. He and I took trips without stepping in a car and I didn’t ever physically touch a single chore. Owen was fine with it. He came to terms with me and did the same with us.

the gummy bears sucked

poetry is my least favorite creative writing class at my university, but i always think they’re great when i write them. i love prose poetry.

i mean, maybe i could have fought harder, but i could have also taken a step back.

Maybe i didn’t move, but as i stood stationary while the world passed around me. while you left and not only left, you left me. standing here while the world passed slowly like the snail outside on the concrete step.

fighting harder pushes you away and not fighting at all shows that i don’t care, but i’m the one who cares the most. and you know that about me, but there’s a disconnect like when the phone charger is pulled out of the block and the lightning symbol disappears from your screen and the battery bar turns red again. but we aren’t a phone and its charger. we are people confused on what we are. you didn’t even say goodbye before you left.

domestic life

I like the way that you cover your face with your elbow when you laugh.

I also actually really like writing dream sequences where Ezra is happy with Owen.

Owen and I hugged again and we went our separate ways in the dead of night. He wished me a peaceful sleep and I did the same, and we closed our doors simultaneously with soft clicks of the door handles. I spun like a princess from the movies as I fell onto my bed and pulled the blankets around me. I yawned and waved my lights off as I buried my face into my pillow. I had another dream, but this time it was happy, just like while I was at home.

Sunlight came through the open window of my bedroom and brought me from a full rest to a stir. I rolled back and into an unexpected form.

“Good morning,” Owen said with a yawn. He wrapped his arm around me and pressed on my chest. I turned over in his hold and gazed upon his face, gently pulling the sleep from his eyes and off his head.

“Morning. How’d you sleep last night?”

“Ever since you’ve started putting me to sleep, it’s been better and better. Is there coffee downstairs?”

Before he could take another breath, I was gone from the bed and scooping coffee grounds into a filter. Owen descended the stairs quickly with a robe tied closed around himself. He started retrieving breakfast foods from the refrigerator and he prepped the utensils for the meal.

“You know, I could have waited on coffee, right?”

“And you realize that I could have made breakfast from the living room?”

Owen rolled his eyes and went back to work on the stove. We ate sitting on the counter with multiple cups of coffee between us and the morning news playing in the living room. Owen slid down from his seat by the sink but I held him back at the foot of the stairs, stuck in place.

“I can’t get ready for work if I’m stuck downstairs, Ezra,” Owen laughed.

“I mean, you don’t have to go. Stay with me today.”

“Ezra, we have spent so many days here, it is a mess. I’ve never thought that sex like this would be so enticing, but wow. But I also need to go to work today. I can’t just work from home every day. And neither can you.”

I rolled my eyes and my pajamas from the night before became one of my dress outfits for the office I edited for. I did the same for Owen as my hair grew out and I tied it into a bun. I did a twirl and pointed at my clothes.

“Better? Can I make an appearance at the office and then come back?”

Owen shook his head and pulled his keys from the wall hook and wished me a good day. He kissed me goodbye and removed his bag from the floor by the back door of the house. He waved from the other side of the door window. I waved my hands and the household chores began as I left with my own work over my shoulder and the lights flicked off as I closed the door behind me.

reconciled

So, I wrote a personal piece tonight, but I have also been working on this for a few days, but every time I went to type, I would always end up taking Buzzfeed quizzes. I’ve never reconciled anything, so that was also difficult? I end up basically running away from my problems until they start to kill me inside; ask Kyal and literally everyone else I know.

I packed my bag without touching a single thing. Mom and Dad watched the process from the doorway, hoping to learn what it was like to be me. I watched the amusement play across their faces as an invisible assembly line worked right in front in front of their eyes, my clothes floating from our laundry, folding, and sliding efficiently in my duffel bag. My bags zipped and faded into nothing, returning to my apartment. I said goodbye to my parents, gave them both a hug, and closed my bedroom door behind me. I vanished from the house and found myself on the doorstep on my apartment, reluctant to touch the door handle.

“Ezra! Where’ve you been?” Mason called out as he climbed the metal stairs up to their floor. He stopped at the top of the stairs and I thought back to my nightmare. He looked me up and down and said, “I like your hair. Extensions?”

“My hair grows fast. That’s not the point though. I went home. I just had some stuff to deal with.”

“Well, welcome home!”

I was nearly put off by his weird exuberance, but I followed him into the apartment and the two of us went separate ways, gently tiptoeing through the hallway and past Owen’s door, closing my own behind me. My skin felt hot with anxiety and I hadn’t even seen him! But I had to do something even if I felt like I may die while doing it. I mean, we both had to deal with hard aspects of this relationship and I didn’t know what could happen; it wasn’t like I had uncovered any sort of future sight.

I waited. Mason and Gavin were asleep in the respective bedrooms, but so was Owen. I didn’t know what he would say to every time I had just shown up in his room. But this time, I didn’t just pop into his room like the last one; this time, I traced the outline of his door handle and waited for it to click. Instead of Owen being asleep, he sat at his desk with his back to the door, but he jumped when the door had closed.

“I really wish you’d actually start knocking. Last time this happened, I thought I was gonna die, or at least be hurt in some way.”

“I’m sorry. There was a better way to do that. But I just wanted to see you and see if you were okay.”

Owen turned his chair and pushed himself to his feet, only to sink into his bed. “Ezra, you know I’m crazy about you. I was just—I was just scared and thrown off. I mean, you’ve seen Harry Potter. How do you think any regular people react when they’re told something this life changing? I mean, you had to think that there would be a few different outcomes to what you were doing. And then you what? You ran away. I could only assume that you went home, but the point was you dropped a bomb on my life and you weren’t even around for me to talk about it. You didn’t return any of my calls or messages, but it was like you’d dropped off the face of the planet. You can’t actually leave the planet, right?”

I shook my head, but let him continue.

“I want to work with you on this. I want you to trust me. I don’t want you to think that you have to his any of this from me anymore.”

“I trust you, Owen. That’s why I told you, but I was more afraid that you’d come after me with a mob or something?”

That’s where Owen sat up straight off of his bed. “You really think that I’d do something like that to you? What the fuck? I know they happened, but I think this generation is open to witch trials. Do your parents even know or am I the only one?”

“I told them when I got home. I didn’t think they should be in the dark anymore if you knew.”

“And how did they react, Ezra? Did they ban you from the house? Disown you? Did they try to murder you?”

I turned away from him as he spoke. I felt emotional while I listened to him tell the truth. “They’re my parents. They love me, Owen.”

I heard him shuffle around and could feel him behind me as he said what he did next. “I love you too. And I really want you to be here and to stay here. I mean, yeah. It’s a huge change learning this about you, but it’s just one more thing that makes you special.”

Owen gently turned me to face him and I couldn’t hate the difference in our heights more at the time because he seemed to tower over me in this moment and I nearly fell into him with a face full of tears. He held onto me with one hand across my back and the other, slowly stroking my hair and holding me close.

“Does this mean you still want me?” I asked through pathetic hiccups.

“I mean, I could get used to holding you like this. I’ve wanted to for a long time.” Owen stopped and then began again. “If I ask you nicely, will you show me some tricks? But like, some that don’t scare the hell out of me. Do you know how long it took me to actually get the door open?”

“I’m sorry. Heat of the moment.” I looked up at him once and then realized that I made a horrible pun. But then I thought, what was stopping me from showing him now?

I told him to close his eyes are spun us once in circle and I could the change in his expression as he felt a breeze brush over his face. He slowly opened his eyes and then kind of gasped when he saw where were, standing at the top of the campus bell tower.

 

 

 

living that domestic life

So, I’m super inspired right now? And I really just wanted to write another dream sequence? Like, I’m just really happy aside from all the work I have to do for school.

I had another dream about what life could be. This time, Owen and I sat together in my bedroom at home, but the furniture had changed and instead of my messy, adolescent bedspread, we were leaning on each other on a comfortable couch. Owen was older with longer hair and his face had filled out more; he had neatly trimmed stubble that got caught on my own hair. Where there was once a wall was now a floor-to-ceiling window that gave a perfect view of the tree in my backyard where I spent most of my time as a child. The tree, now much taller than before was bare but caught what snow it could. I guess Owen had been speaking for some time before I had refocused on him.

“… and when your mother called, I was still doing the dishes, so I missed the first call and then she was relentless about trying to get through. The point is that she wants to know when we’ll be serving dinner on Friday.”

“What dinner?”

“Christmas, dummy. Are you not paying attention? Are you projecting or something?” Owen seemed like he was upset, but instead, he gently pushed on my shoulder, nudging me off him as he rose to his feet.

“Oh. Well, what did you say?”

“I told her that we were going to be working on the meal all morning, but would actually start serving once she had arrived along with the rest of the family. I was more hoping to talk to you about that though.”

Owen held his hand out to me, which I took, and he pulled me into him. “Shoot.”

“Well, from what she’s said, her facility gets kind of empty when holidays roll around and it just hasn’t been the same since your dad passed, Ezra. I was wondering if we could put a bed in here for the week and have her stay.”

A wave of sadness flooded over me as if the dream were real. “That’s fine, Owen. I’ll call her in the morning to let her know we’ll pick her up.”

Owen smirked. “What about that magic fingers, Ezra? We don’t even have to drive the car. There doesn’t even have to be a car; can’t you just wave your hand and she’ll be here?”

“You really think my mother would enjoy that? We don’t see her that often and you think that she’d want to be immediately whisked away without any warning? What if I lose her?” The last part was more of a rhetorical question.

“You’re right. Come downstairs with me and we’ll get dinner ready.”

As he began to head for the stairs, I didn’t let go of his hand, but pulled him back to me and looked up at him. Even in my dream, there was a sizeable difference in our height and as I stood on my toes in my socks, I kissed him and when he opened his eyes, we were sitting on a newly-installed kitchen island.

“I love your magic. I love you.”

“You’re still doing everything by hand,” I said with a laugh.

And as he was done with every pot, pan, and utensil, they washed, dried, and put themselves away as I watched my husband plate our dinner and it gently floated over to our small table by our kitchen window. With a snap of my fingers, the slightly burned down candles were lit and the speaker by the refrigerator came to life with soft notes of a piano. Owen watched me with a delicate look from across the table and tenderly took my hand in his own and even if we weren’t talking, I was happy.

I did not wake up in a rush this time. I did not throw my stuffed cat. I kept my eyes closed and rolled over and squeezed the cat harder.